L.A.Fitness opened a new gym in my neighborhood, and an adult monthly membership is dirt cheap, (which maybe should have been my first clue) and it’s pay as you go, per month, so you don’t have to sign a one year obligation, as you do with so many other gyms. I’ve never been in a gym before besides that tragic 3 months at the Curves for Women near my son’s old day care, which we won’t go in to.

So when they opened I stopped by. I couldn’t help noticing it was a little like a prison, with one front desk, and an entirely visible floor full of gym equipment, and an entirely visible balcony full of treadmills and exercise bikes. But the staff they had were all busy and the told me at the front desk no one could show me around right now. So I just left.

Their web site said members get one free session with a personal trainer. So I figured that would be the guy who could show me what I should be doing. Mind you, I did notice that only one session is free, so I could guess from that that any further meetings with a personal trainer would be an additional fee. I just didn’t know how much.

So I schedule the session, show up, and a cute little 20-something boy greets me, has me fill out a questionnaire, and has me lean my back against a medicine ball, against the wall, while holding a basketball in my hands and doing deep knee bends, and does show me how two leg-muscle pieces of gym equipment work. He has to put them on the lowest weight for each one and we both agree I’m pretty weak. On my way in, someone at the front desk informed me I’d never been in, and that they needed my picture for my computer account, even though they took it last time when I came in and looked around. I told him so, but he said, no, I’d never been in. Nice.

So then Trainer Boy sits down like an Amway Salesman and shows me which personal training plans I can purchase. If he meets with me once a week for a hour, it costs as much as one hefty car payment. And if he meets with me 3 times a week, it costs the monthly amount of rent on my old apartment. No. I wasn’t counting on it anyway. I asked HIM if he could show me how the rest of this equipment works, but he just showed me one and that they all have pictures on them showing which muscle groups they’re for, and a cartoon drawing of someone using one so you can see how it’s done. The he sort of waived his arm towards different groups of exercise equipment and told me their names, like, “Those are for upper body,” and “Those are for glutes.”

So, I guess I’ll show up for some of the classes on their schedule, most of which are during work hours so I won’t be able to go to most of them. But that won’t be any time soon.

My thighs and part of my back are still so sore from just that, that I can still barely hobble around. And I’m wheezing because I hate to admit it, she’s a lovely, good natured cat, but I really do think I’m allergic to my hospitalized friend’s cat who has been with us for about 2 weeks now. If I’m as miserable 2 days from now as I am right now, I’m NOT running in the Mother’s Day 5-K race on Sunday. Which I was really looking forward to.